I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
