My underwear smells like fireworks.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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