WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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