I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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