This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
