Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
