Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
