you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
