I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
