I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize