why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
