They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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