Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
