yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
