He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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