uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
