Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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