Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
