so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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