Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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