Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
