i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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