I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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