jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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