Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize