So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
