It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize