Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
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