I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
