I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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