just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
