just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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