'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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