You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
