Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
