saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
