You made me cry and you don't even care
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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