I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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