I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
