I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
