I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
