I just pynch a tree in the face
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
