accomplished twins. life is a go
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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