The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
