Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Enjoy the penises
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
