dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're a waste of cheezeits
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
