tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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