i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
