Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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