I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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