Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You pole danced in your parka.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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