Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
