Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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