Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
