dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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