I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
