I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
