Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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