She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
