He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
being pregnant is like rehab
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
