it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
