If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
