its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
