I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
