you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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