when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
