don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's just like the Real World with babies
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
