I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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