i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
